No 'Good' In Goodbye (sequel to I Won't Hold You B
by Parseltongue
Summary: James' thoughts when he leaves London...and Lily...behind him for fame and fans


Author's note: I decided that this would be James' POV because I kinda like the idea of getting to hear James thinking about Lily and getting all mushy and junk…if I say anymore I'll ruin it, so I'll just shut up. Enjoy, my darling beloved readers!  
  
Disclaimer: I say this now and it will hold true for the rest of the fic so that I will not have to keep repeating myself. JK Rowling owns everyone except Jaquey and Cytara, and the plot. This is the last time you'll see this—keep it in mind, k? Buh bye!  
  
  
  
Chapter Two—No 'Good' In Goodbye  
  
I shoved Sirius headfirst into the water. It was a gorgeous Saturday, and I and the Marauders, plus Jaquey, Cytara and…Lily…were all at the Muggle community pool for a bit of a break before my departure on Monday. I struggled not to think of this.  
  
(a/n Ooh, am I detecting a bit of hesitation when it comes to Lily? Well, duh, I wrote this fic. I am so stupid sometimes. I guess you wonder how I am so brilliant, talented, and foolish all at once. Well, all I can say is: it's murder. I love it)  
  
I tried to put a little more spirit into things, but almost as soon as a grin or laugh would come, it would go. So, I guess I found small consolations in the fact that my fake bright smiles and chuckles were actually convincing all my friends. At least now they were acting like true friends.  
  
I cringed, remembering the huge argument I'd had with Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Jaquey. Cytara had gone off to comfort Lily. It had all happened while we were still on the train heading home from our very last day of seventh year at Hogwarts. My friends, including Jaq, had all screamed at me because they seemed to think I'd dumped Lily for Quidditch. For all that they say they'd support my decision to join the team after all, they'd shrieked (well, Jaquey had shrieked; the guys had disapprovingly roared at me) that I'd broken Lily's heart; they were giving absolutely no thought to my side of the story.  
  
That is, until Cytara and Lily returned. Lily was looking, somehow, perfectly composed and calm as she'd explained that I hadn't dumped her, she'd let me go because she wanted my happiness. I, admitting inwardly that it was the truth, had almost thought things would die down—until she'd added sadly, while getting off the train at King's Cross station, she'd had to release me before I tried to release her, because it would have been too much for one day. Then, the Marauders, Jaq, and Cytara had all shot me one final glare. All this, covering a period of almost fifteen minutes, and she hadn't looked or directed one word at me. That had wounded.  
  
Oh well. So far, we'd made some small talk, I recalled. When necessary. In forced conditions. Under inevitable circumstances. She certainly looked amused now, I thought crossly. Look at her over there in the shallow end—in that wonderful blue-green swimsuit, her hair up in a bun, her eyes sparkling happily as she splashed Cytara, Jaquey, and Peter—and got severely splashed back. I watched with a twinge as Remus dunked her under the water, and she came up, spluttering and laughing. She in turn dunked Peter, and Jaquey turned to Cytara, who gave her a look. Jaquey wisely decided to immerse Lily again instead. Lily came up again, furiously sending up waves of pool water as she lost her footing, slipped—and I watched jealously and Remus reached over and supported her. She flashed him a quick grin, then dived under and swam away to the deep end. They all rolled their eyes and one by one drifted over to follow her.  
  
I witnessed all this with suppressed sighs of wistfulness. I remembered when, once a year ago—  
  
A hand on my shoulder made him tense. A chuckled, well recognized, made me relax slowly. "I never could scare enough to make you jump, Prongs." Sirius came around to stand beside me. He surveyed the scene without hurry. As we both watched, Lily and Cytara climbed halfway out of the pool to sit on the edge of the deep end, their legs submerged below the knees. "Don't," I said softly in my ear. I sighed.  
  
"I know I shouldn't," I replied in the same soft whisper. "But, God, Padfoot, I miss her."  
  
"Yeah, I know, James." Sirius' voice sounded just as pained to see me and Lily suffering—I guess he knew Lily wasn't having a much easier time, for all the fun she appeared to be having currently. "Don't give up, Prongs. She'll wait for you."  
  
"And if she tires of waiting?" My voice was terse and stressed. "I don't want to think about it," I said before my friend could reply.  
  
"Yeah," said Sirius again, much too seriously for my liking. He was hanging around Remus and me too much lately, I surmised, and glanced at him.  
  
He grinned cockily, suddenly himself again, and placed a hand on my shoulder again. "Well, pal, you know what they say," he stated cheerfully, maneuvering himself directly behind me. I, being the stupid bloody prat I am, didn't recognize his intentions.  
  
Sirius' grin was almost splitting his face. He crowed triumphantly, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" He gave me a shove, and I went stumbling over the edge of the poolside. I saw Sirius grin milliseconds before I hit; I suppose he had good reason to, because the last words out of my mouth were chopped off in mid-sentence when I painfully struck the water: "You sorry son of a—"  
  
When I resurfaced, Sirius was bent double, roaring with laughter. It was my opportunity for revenge. Quick as lightning, my hand whipped out, grabbed his foot, and pulled him into the pool.  
  
Before he came back up, I, grinning like a fool, looked up and saw Lily, her knees drawn up to her chest, staring at us. The grin was wiped off my face like water. (a/n No pun intended there) We held eye contact for about a second—mind you, a powerfully anxious second—before she blinked once slowly and turned to Cytara again. I masked my regret—things wouldn't ever be the same; I knew that.  
  
Sirius came up spluttering for air—God, he was still laughing, the git. "Man, I only pushed you in as payback for your not-so-friendly shove earlier," he gasped out.  
  
I mustered a grin. All my energy was gone. "Well, then, this was just payback for payback," I retorted.  
  
He snorted derisively. "Yeah? Well, so's this!" He dunked me.  
  
***  
  
"Well," said Remus softly. "That's the last of the bags." He shoved the final one into the overhead storage bin of my small compartment, then looked around helplessly. Come to think of it, the other five were doing just that, too. Sirius, Peter, and Cytara were standing with their arms crossed, every so often glancing nervously at each other. Lily and Jaquey were quietly sitting on the bench in the middle of the room.  
  
It was Monday. We were loading my surprisingly few bags into my compartment, but having already accomplished that, were now very tensely surveying the most uninteresting things—a spot on the window, a crack in the leather of the bench-seat, the handle to the door of the compartment. I cleared my throat. The other three guys echoed me unceremoniously. The girls looked simply lost and unhappy.  
  
A whistle rang, and I wanted to sit and weep. But, having done that once in front of my friends, I wasn't prepared to do it again. So I just opened my mouth to say goodbye—and silently choked back the words. Then I tried again, and my voice was unexpectedly cheerful and held hope that I certainly didn't feel.  
  
"Well, I'm sure gonna miss you all. I promise I'll owl often, and I hope you'll see me at a game sometime."  
  
Sirius grinned and told me not to get bloodied up too bad. Remus wished me luck and advised me not to trust the Beaters. Peter simply offered a hand and murmured, "Been good, Potter." As if I wasn't coming back! Then I asked myself: Am I going to? I shook that thought away and turned to Cytara. She gave me a weak smile and whispered something I couldn't hear, but I smiled back and nodded anyway. I leaned down to hug Jaquey, who threw her arms around me and wailed, "Oh, James, do be careful, you stupid prat!" I awkwardly assured her I would, and she drew away, wiping tears from her eyes.  
  
Then I was standing before Lily. She stepped forward, studying me with somber eyes. She gently put her arms around my waist, and I did the same to her. She buried her face against my chest for a moment, and I rested my chin on her hair. As we had done countless times, yet so different from our past embraces.  
  
As I felt her drawing away, I swallowed the ball of tears in my throat. James Potter would walk away from his friends with his chin up and his pride intact.  
  
But then she looked up, and I quailed under her stare. She rose on her toes, and I took a steadying breath. She gently kissed my lips, and I felt her move away before I could tighten my arms around her.  
  
"Fly for me," she murmured. "Fly high, fly unafraid, and fly true." Lily gave a small encouraging smile. She didn't break our gaze for a moment before she whispered shakily, "Goodbye, James Potter." Then she closed her eyes and glided across the compartment, out the door.  
  
Not even an 'I'll miss you'. Would she? Probably not, I thought dejectedly.  
  
My friends all gave me one last glance (not a glare this time, I was grateful) and one last round of best-of-luck wishes before leaving me alone in the small, empty compartment.  
  
***  
  
When the train began to move, I looked out the window and searched for my friends. I saw them all standing in a line on the platform, watching me solemnly. I waved. They all, as if on a pre-arranged signal, nodded in acknowledgement. My three best friends, the other Marauders, smiled encouragingly. Cytara and Jaq were crying as they waved back. And Lily, my Lily, the jewel of my heart, the flower of my soul, the light of my life, the only girl I'd ever truly love, looked away.  
  
I felt as if my heart had broken. I was denied even one last glance from those jade-green eyes.  
  
As the train pulled out, I left my heart behind me, standing on the platform, staring sadly, fixedly, at the horizon.  
  
There really is nothing good in a goodbye.  
  
A/N: *sniffle sniff* okay, people. I'm really anxious myself to see what unfolds for this angst-y "l/j" romance. Review, I'm frantic to see how many others there are just like me. By the way, sorry it's a little shorter than the previous one, it's 2:00 AM. Goodnight (or technically, good morning) to y'all, cuz I'm tired.  
  
With no little amount of desperation—  
  
Parseltongue 


End file.
